Public Warning:
Shark Spotted in the Ocean

Article by Support Our Sharks (Updated: 01 April 2013)


Holiday makers at a popular tourist beach were today warned to stay out of the water as reports came in that there may be sharks in the ocean.

Lifeguards and rescue helicopters were immediately deployed to evacuate people from the area.  Joe King, chief lifeguard on the scene, said that it was important for people to realise "there may be sharks in the ocean, and it is probably best if people just stay home and do not enter the water until we can assess why the sharks are there". 

In a bizarre twist to the entire incident, the Department of Fisheries confirmed today that they have actually spotted sharks in the ocean before.  In fact, they say that the ocean is full of fish and other potentially dangerous marine life! 

Local town mayor, Dick Cabeza, said he was shocked that the Department of Fisheries had not informed the public of these findings.  "It is in the public's best interest to be informed of these threats", stated Mayor Cabeza, which is why he has written to the state government requesting that sharks be declared a national threat.  He has also called upon the state to fund a cull of all sharks "...before they plot an attack against us". 

The state government has responded by saying that they are in favour of the proposal.

Mayor Cabeza’s plan would cost tax payers millions of dollars and destroy much of our coastal ecosystems.  So, when confronted with these claims, Mayor Cabeza said, "You can’t put a price on safety; people should be able to enter the water and be guaranteed safety.  The only way to do that is to remove ALL of the threats... It is clear from informative movies like Jaws that man-eating sharks do not belong in our oceans."

Environmentalists have struck back, saying that this whole situation is ridiculous and movies like Jaws do not accurately portray the true nature of sharks.  "People need to get some perspective.  The potential impacts of such a plan on the environment would be devastating.Instead, they have suggested simply installing informative signs at popular tourist beaches warning of potential dangers, which would be a fraction of the cost and allow people to make informed decisions as to whether they want to enter the water.

The state government has responded by saying that "people don’t want to be bothered by reading boring signs at the beach; it is probably just better to remove the threat altogether", irrelevant of the immense costs or proven effectiveness of the proposed scheme. 


In other news -

Reports have come in that sharks have been spotted in local swimming pools, sparking calls for shark nets to be installed in pools as a precautionary measure to protect swimmers.  Full story next week.



This article is a spoof of reports appearing in the media sensationalising shark sightings.  Sharks live in the ocean - get over it.  The fact that an individual shark has been spotted swimming in the ocean doing exactly what it is meant to be doing does not justify constant media sensationalism.

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